Happy Anniversary!!

Happy 1 Year Anniversary to my blog!!!!  Well…it was officially the 26^th, but close enough.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me keep my eye on the prize during this entire journey…no, it has not been easy. But it has been 100% worth it.

1 Year down…and 60 lbs lighter!!!

 

So what has the last year taught me…well let’s reflect.

 

I am beautiful.

I look much healthier in a size 12 than I do in a 20.

I am not a reflection of my weight. No matter the number, I am still pretty awesome.

I can do what I always thought I couldn’t…I have busted through every barrier thus far, and I’m still going.

Wearing skinny jeans makes your derriere look magnificent.

Running up the steps without being winded is awesome.

No gluten in the diet = no acne on the face…I think that’s a win-win for everyone.

Shopping is actually fun…I’m too sexy for the dressing room and so I must do my little turn on the catwalk. (Pardon the Right Said Fred reference.)

Not all gluten-free foods are created equal.

Hiding behind baggy clothes to prevent a little bulge here and there does nothing other than make you look frumpy.

I have incredible shoulders.

Finally focusing on what’s best for your body instead of what gimmick looks the easiest makes an enormous difference.

The cabbage soup diet doesn’t help you lose weight, but it does give you ungodly flatulence.

Finally being able to fit a standard bath towel all the way around you gives you serious motivation.

Not all restaurants understand what gluten is.

Being diagnosed with celiac disease was the greatest blessing.

I am obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror.

I am worthy of only the best…in everything.

I’m a hell of a cook.

It is amazing how amazing you feel when you finally like yourself.

Looking in the mirror and referring to yourself as skinny is quite a feeling.

Hearing other people refer to you as skinny feels just as good.

Corn tortillas are my best friend.

The only reason I have been successful this time around, is because I’m doing it 100% for me.

A positive look on life can change the way you react to situations.

Two glasses of wine now puts me over the limit…aka I’m a cheap date.

I could live off of garbanzo beans, brussell sprouts and ginger ale.

I do not miss what I used to eat…at all.

I am everything that I always wanted to be.

I have found who I am.

I believe in myself.

I am unstoppable.

I am desirable.

I am spectacular.

 

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”~ Winnie the Pooh

I Have Fallen In Love…

What an incredible weight loss week!!!

 

I can’t even remember the last time I was this low. Insane!!  Feeling so incredible lately….so content with me. This has certainly not been just about a journey to shrink my dress size…this has become the journey to find me…and to love everything that I stand for.

And to continue the good news…ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to report that I have fallen in complete and total love…

I’ve always been skeptical. Always convinced I’d never find ‘that feeling.’ I dreamed for the day when I could finally announce to the world that I am head over heels.

This person is absolutely incredible inside and out.

They’re honest and smart…a great friend and co-worker.

This person is compassionate and understanding…a fantastic listener.

They have an incredible sense of humor and an absolute zest for life.

This person is strong-willed and level-headed….secure and confident…nurturing and trustworthy.

This person is attractive and assertive.

They have come back from some really tough times to be the astonishing, fantastic person that they are today.

This person is more than wonderful…and completely irreplaceable.

They have strong family values…and they are loyal to a fault.

This person is optimistic and joyful…finding a positive spin in even a seemingly horrible situation.

I wish I had found this person earlier in life….I wish I had shared this incredible feeling with them years and years ago.

I need this person…making this person happy is my ultimate goal, and I will no longer spend one moment doing anything differently.

This person…this incredible, gorgeous, marvelous person…

Is the person staring back at me when I look in the mirror.

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” ~ Veronica A. Shoffstall

Run, Forrest, Run!

Forrest felt like running…and so do I.

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I want to walk out the front door in the morning with my pumped up kicks on…iPod fully-loaded…bounding with energy. I want to walk out the door and run. Run for hours. Run for miles. And so I begin.

Since I seem to do everything by the ‘go big or go home’ philosophy, I have opted to not just begin running, but to train for a half marathon.

Me…run 13.1 miles?! I know you’re laughing. Trust me. I’m laughing too. Thinking about me having the ability to run more than 50 yards about makes me want to crawl under the covers and hide.  Then again…so did the thought of losing weight when I started all of this, and look how far I’ve come on that front?!  See?! 55 pounds and counting!

Running is not natural for me. It doesn’t feel natural and I guarantee it doesn’t look natural. The earth shakes on its axis when I run. My brain jiggles in my skull when I run. I look more awkward trying to jog than Shaquille O’Neal would look doing ballet.

But it is my mission. It has been my goal since the beginning. One of my life-long dreams is to run a half marathon. And I’m going to do it.

And the training officially started Monday.  Thanks to a running coach I had a few years ago, I have a 29 week program that will take me from barely being able to run from my bedroom to the bathroom, to running 13.1 miles.

There is no turning back now…I’ve put it out there for the world (ok not the world, but my faithful followers) to see.  As of August 4, 2012 this girl will be half marathon ready!

And while we’re talking about Forrest…

I watched it last weekend for probably the 3000^th time, and a few of the lines I’d heard a zillion times before stuck with me a little more than normal.

Forrest’s momma told him he wasn’t different. Told him he was just like everybody else. Despite the fact that his back was as crooked as a politician or his IQ was less than 75, he was taught to believe he was no different. He didn’t let his physical or mental limitations stop him from doing what he thought was right. He put himself out there with little to no regard of his obvious uniqueness. He was comfortable with what he was. His self-confidence came naturally, despite a number of reasons that any average person might retreat to avoid rejection or humiliation.

So I started thinking about my own self-image. I’ve let my chubbiness be my disability. I have let it trick me into believing that I am neither normal nor good enough. I could have had all the confidence in the world but I didn’t. I let society convince me that because I was overweight, I was inferior.

I am making progress in my belief in myself, but I am still struggling in believing that I’m good enough when compared to others. I somehow have convinced myself that I am inferior to every single woman on the planet who weighs less than me. That personality and wit and brains could not possibly be as good in me as they are in someone skinnier and more attractive than I am.  In a restaurant I will secretly think in my head, “No one is paying you any attention because there are plenty of women in here much thinner than you are.”  I honestly believe that a girl with no teeth, no education and no sense of humor is better than me because she’s a size 2 and I’m a 14?! Seriously? That sounds even more stupid to type.

Where did I pick up this notion that skinnier women are better? Who sent me the memo that all men care about is a woman’s dress size?

When will I genuinely trust that I am an incredible catch? That there is no better than me?…Who I am now the same person I was 55 pounds ago. I am no more intelligent, no more funny, no more charismatic now than I was then. Being 4 sizes smaller hasn’t made me finally desirable, it’s just fine-tuned what was already awesome.

I don’t want to compare myself to anyone else anymore. I want to be proud of me and everything that I am and everything that I offer. I am so close to being there…so close to believing in myself 100%.

No more running from my own self confidence… I’ve had enough beating myself up for one lifetime. The only running this girl will be doing is 13.1 miles toward the finish line!

On your mark, get set…Go!

“The image of myself which I try to create in my own mind in order that I may love myself is very different from the image which I try to create in the minds of others in order that they may love me.” ~ W.H. Auden

Try It On For Size

So I was standing there a few weeks ago…in one of my least favorite places….the dressing room.  While in there – I took a few minutes to reflect on my surroundings.

That small 4×4 space always made me hate myself after stepping inside. The mirror mocked me…the lighting brought out my most unappealing dimples…and the dressing room attendant (is that even the proper term?!) with his shifty eyes, mocking my size selection and secretly scoffing to himself that there’s no way my ass was going to fit into those jeans. I avoided the dressing room if at all possible.

Now that 98% of my wardrobe is too big. (Trust me, I am not complaining at all.) – I had to visit my least favorite little room.  I decided to grab a few ‘safe’ things, and also got a few things I was convinced there was no way I’d look decent in. As it always seems to turn out, I take 6 things in…and maybe 1 works.  Well the tides, they are a turnin’! My safe things looked frumpy and my stretch things looked fantastic!

Now, instead of wanting to impale myself on the closest clothes rack, I’m stuck checking out my own ass in the 3-sided mirror. Instead of wanting to run to the closest shelf of sweatshirts to cover my bulge, I’m relishing in the fact that the clothing I’m trying on does not have X’s in the size. I get excited about trying on clothes now. Excited about experimenting with things I’d never considered wearing before. (Loving the skinny jeans with boots-look currently….which you couldn’t have paid me to go out in public in last year.)  Every time I’m in there I start singing to myself and yes…there is a little booty shaking that ensues as well…my new ‘try on clothes’ theme song:

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I may look like a complete fool…but I’m feeling great! This new-found confidence is pretty kick ass! And you know what else is kick ass?!  My scale result this morning!

I was not expecting this at all! Had definitely psyched myself out to see a higher number.  Being without my scale for 2 weeks left me feeling a little out of control because I couldn’t monitor my progress/regression.  That proved to be a lot of worrying for nothing.  I’ve got this eating thing under control. I’ve got this focus thing under control. Now I’ve just got to trust myself…and get back in that dressing room to test out some smaller pants…

“Life is like a mirror…we get the best results when we smile at it.” –Unknown

Start a Resolution!!!

Damn those holiday Mondays!! I lost track again of the days again!! I hope you all had a fantastic New Year’s holiday! I did…well the parts I can remember anyway. 🙂

There is no weigh-in this week. I am out of town for work (apparently brought the cold weather down to Florida with me on the plane) and don’t have access to my scale. Back on track next Monday (yes, Monday not Tuesday) I promise.

I’m sure a lot of you made a New Year’s resolution…I did as I always do. And this year, like every other year of my adult life at least one of my resolutions involves losing weight. Only difference is that this year my goal is to KEEP losing weight versus to START losing weight.

To all of you who made a similar resolution to change your life and your health this year….then this post is especially for you.

Focus – and listen to what I’m saying…(do it!!!)

There is no excuse, no logical reason, and no remote possibility why 2012 can’t be, and won’t be the one where you finally get your act together and make a little something amazing and life-changing happen on your weight-loss.

If you’re anything like me (for fun and giggles, let’s just assume you’re exactly like me in each and every way), then this isn’t your first rodeo.  How many times have you set a New Year’s resolution to rearrange your life? How many times have you lost sight of the goal you’d vowed to achieve? Maybe the other times you tried your motivation held strong for four weeks or maybe it was closer to four hours (remember, we’re pretending that you’re exactly like me).

Maybe you followed an unhealthy, ginormous breakfast with a declaration of “No more!” and then followed that declaration of “No more!” with a ginormous lunch.

It’s possible you’ve even convinced yourself that you can’t do this, that it’s simply too difficult for you. Well allow me to respond with one thing: Schnozzle flubberdusters ate bowyangs on an absquatulate hemidemisemiquaver.

Hey, it you’re going to delve in the crazy talk, then so am I! Telling yourself that you can’t do this or that it’s too hard is crazy talk.

Check out my stats and see the progress I’ve made.  I’ve lost the weight of an average 6-year old. Insane. When you get your head in the game and your ass in gear, you’ll see the same reduction. I had no idea what I was doing when I started on this crazy journey, but I did know that it was time for me to make a drastic change.

Your journey will not be completely like the one I’ve been on. Yours will not be like anyone else’s before you. You have to create your own path.

And at this moment in time, when you look at yourself in the mirror, may feel like I once did: as though I was defined by all the things I wasn’t instead of all the things I was. This is your chance to make a new start and to really bring it home this time. Take this opportunity to redefine yourself.
Trust me. Shedding pounds on the scale doesn’t instantly fix anything in your life that might have been bothering you. Dropping the weight won’t necessarily make your life picture-perfect. It won’t get you that guy/girl you wish would fall in love with you (but if they do finally start to pay you some attention, they might not be worth your time anyway), it won’t make you a millionaire and isn’t likely to immediately land you on the cover of Playboy, but I’m willing to wager you a hot dollar that it’ll make your life better. That it’ll make dealing with whatever you have to deal with ten times easier because you’ll be happy to be in your own skin, and learn to love your imperfect life perfectly.

Abandon the “I can’t do it” notion…leave the feelings of worthlessness at the door and let’s start the slow, steady journey back to where you want to be, where you deserve to be….Where you belong.

 

“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them … If you can dream it, you can do it.” ~ Walt Disney