I Put My Thing Down, Flip It, and Reverse It!

I will always be overweight
And I refuse to believe that
I can succeed at this weight loss
I realize that isn’t the way most people think but
“Eating to live instead of living to eat”
Making myself happy with food
Is more important than
Making myself healthy with food
And this much is true:
People are succeeding at losing weight every day
But I know in my heart this will not be the case for me
Right now it doesn’t seem possible
I can change my ways and be fit for the rest of my life
This is what I believe:
This journey is just too tough for me
It’s just a fact of life that
People like me are weak-willed and lazy
And it’s ridiculous to believe that
I will lose weight and be healthy

That’s how I used to feel…now I’ve changed my way of thinking and reversed my philosophy on this whole weight loss thing…So now read it from the bottom up to see how I currently feel.

 

And if that reversal wasn’t enough…how backwards is this: I managed to LOSE weight over Thanksgiving!!!

 

Who would have thought?!

 

Thanksgiving this year was undoubtedly different than previous years…

 

This year I only got one plate (which I didn’t finish).

This year it was more about spending time with my amazing family than obsessively focusing on how many bites of stuffing or potatoes I could fit in my mouth.

This year the whole family got to experience my gluten-free gravy – and liked it!

This year I felt beautiful and confident instead of feeling insecure and disgusting in my own skin.

This year I realized how blessed I am to have my family, and blown away at the incredible bond that we all have with each other.

This year I felt marvelous and on top of the world.

This year I was healthier than I have been in the past.

This year I gave immense thanks to what I stand for, what I am, and what I am starting to become.

This year I know for a fact that I am amazing.

This year is MY year.

 

“Something inside you emerges….an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself.”  – Eckhart Tolle

It’s Time for Some Turkey!

Happy Thanksgiving Week!  So much to be thankful for this year…so much that I’m not going to let a little (ok, so a lot of weight gain) get me down…

 

Damn you alcoholic beverages. Your empty calories sure know how to ruin a trip to the scale!

 

I’m not even going to pretend that it will be way lower next week. I’m not saying I’m going to stuff my face beyond the point of maximum gastric expansion, but I am saying that I plan to enjoy a fantastic meal. Well…fantastic meals. Having multiple families also means having multiple Thanksgivings.

At least I can safely steer clear of the dessert table this year – there will be no pumpkin pie or pecan pie being ingested for this girl! It’s all good…dessert is never my favorite part anyway. I’d rather have 4 helpings of brussell sprouts than a piece of pie any day.

We must avoid the food coma!!!

Need some additional tips for getting through the beaucoups of food this Thanksgiving…I’ve got you covered….Here are some phrases to help you say no to too much:

  • “Sorry, my tapeworm won’t allow me to eat pumpkin pie.”
  • “My religion forbids cranberry sauce.”
  • “No thanks. I happen to know that Cousin Marc licked all the rolls before dinner.”
  • “My doctor informed me that even one slice of pecan pie will make my spleen explode.”
  • “No thanks. I see dead people in gravy.”
  • “That stuffing looks delicious but it brings back hurtful memories of that sorority hazing incident that’s too painful for me to talk about…”
  • “I’m allergic to second helpings.”
  • “I don’t think so. Dad always buys his turkeys from some dude who sells them out of the trunk of his Grand Am along with bootleg DVDs…”
  • “I yam not gonna have any of those marshmallowy sweet potatoes, thank you very much.”
  • “I would have more, but you’re a terrible cook…”
  • “Do you have any diet wine?”
  • “No thanks… I had giblets for breakfast this morning.”
  • “No green bean casserole for me this year; I’m showing my support for the plight of Chilean green bean farmers.”
  • “No thanks. I saw Grandma spit into the mashed potatoes while she was making them.”
  • “I think that has gluten in it. Sorry, none for me!”

 

I’m going to just say no to over stuffing myself…but sure am thankful for how far I’ve come, how many of you have been here to support me, and how amazing I feel.

 

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

 

“Thanksgiving: Not a good day to be my pants.” ~ Kevin James

Six Months

Six months ago I was a different person…

Six months ago, every single thing I ate sat like a lead balloon in my gullet.

Six months ago, everything I ate also was subsequently returned in violent fashion to the porcelain throne.

Six months ago, eating resulted in such ungodly pain in my side that I’m now convinced I know what the pain of an AK-47 shot to the flank feels like.

Six months ago, even eating one bite led to such extreme stomach distention, you’d think I was mocking Violet from Willy Wonka without the delicious grape color.

Six months ago, the pain in my joints was so severe I was only able to function on a daily basis with a fabulous cocktail of muscle relaxers and painkillers.

Six months ago, my skin was so blotchy and itchy I was starting to believe that I was allergic to fresh air.

Six months ago, my skin was so dry that soaking in a tub for an hour barely moisturized the top layer.

Six months ago, I was so irritable I didn’t even want to be around myself.

Six months ago, I had yet another person tell me they couldn’t find anything wrong with me and after 11 years of issues, it must absolutely be in my head.

Six months ago, I was at the end of my rope.

Six months ago, I met the doctor that changed my life.

Six months ago I was introduced to Celiac Disease…

Happy 6-Month Anniversary to my diagnosis!  Never thought hearing my doctor say, “You have an autoimmune disease” would turn out to be such a blessing.

I never imagined feeling this amazing. I never imagined feeling this healthy or this complete. I never imagined waking up each and every day and having no fear that eating breakfast was going to leave me doubled over in pain for hours.  I never imagined a life free of bloat and tummy troubles.

And I most certainly never imagined being out of the 200’s…so, so close!

 

Thinking back six months – I certainly never expected to still be moving in the right direction with my weight loss or my overall physical and mental transformation.  Six months ago I expected to fail as I had every other time.

Six months have changed my life….

The road has not always been smooth or flat. The path to enlightenment has not always been clearly marked. There are times when it seemed I was moving away from who I am much more than moving toward what I want to be.

Six months have changed my life….

Many have ventured on this journey before me. Many have faced obstacles of health, physical impairment or mental reluctance. All have faced the same fear and uncertainty that I face every day.

Six months have changed my life….

These last six months have taught me that the blessing isn’t that I find my way to the finish line….it’s that I had the courage to start.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.– Maria Robinson

If the Scale Could Talk…

I secretly (well, not so secretly anymore) have this fear that when I step on my scale that I’m going to hear it let out a huge moan or scream in pain.

I fear I’m going to hear the scale yell “Only one at a time!” or “I can’t breathe!”  Or one of these other random thoughts:

  • “Get off! Get off! Get off!”
  • “They say any loss is a good loss. How’s about -.00001 lbs.?”
  • “Here comes the pain!”
  • “Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows.”
  • “When you lose, you take all the credit; when you gain, ya blame me!”
  • “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.”
  • “Why don’t you try again… maybe it’ll be drastically lower.”
  • “And you thought nobody saw you eat those chips…”
  • “Good news: you’re still beating anorexia!”
  • “Does this number make you look fat?”
  • “Tippin’ is encouraged. Get it, get it? Tippin’ the scales… ah, you don’t know funny.”
  • “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a regular glutton?”
  • “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”
  • “BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….”
  • “Let’s say we just call it two hundred and plenty?”
  • “Say, are you losing weight?

 

Why yes, yes I am!

I’m trying with all of my might to stay focused lately. Have a lot going on and a lot of change happening in my life. And I absolutely SUCK when it comes to change.  I let it get the best of me when I need to focus on the fact that the change is what’s best for me in the first place. I don’t like the boat to be rocked…I don’t like disruption in my routine and my habits. I’ll do the same thing over and over again just to avoid being uncomfortable or having to worry about the unknown.  I’ll stay in the same rut forever just to avoid that fear. And in the last few days I’ve really realized that everything I do or change or adjust isn’t scary to me because the change is irresponsible or unwarranted…it’s scary to me because I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that I know what’s best for me. I don’t trust that I am in control of my happiness or my destiny. I keep looking for someone else to tell me these things. Looking for someone else to give me a sign or a signal or someone else to give me permission to want things to be different.  I keep searching for a billboard or a commercial with the answer. I’ve wasted so much time looking…wasted so much time waiting for it to hit me in the face.

It’s been within me all along.  The answer to finding myself has been here the whole time. The will to change, the motivation to change, the ability to change…it’s all inside me.  I have to trust myself or I will never overcome life’s obstacles.

I feel like I am on the verge of greatness…not sure how or in what capacity, but I feel in my gut that something big is coming. Something life-changing.  (And no, not in a creepy psychic way.)

I’m trying to harbor this feeling…trying to enjoy the mild excitement of the unknown.  Trying to believe that regardless of what happens, I’ll be ok in the end.  I’m going to trust that I’m on my way to where I want to be and what I want to become…and that change is what’s going to get me there.

I have to remember that change is what’s gotten me down 44 lbs. I have to remember just how far I was from who I wanted to be…and every day I am a step closer to the person I am trying to become.   And while I may still have a hard time trying to accept success, I am no longer prepared to quit…I am destined to win.

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”  ~Mary Engelbreit

She Works Hard For The Money

What day is it? What time is it? Why am I still working?! Apparently I’m losing my mind….come on, brain! Don’t fail me now!!!

My dearest blog followers, I apologize for my late post this week. Working 80 hrs a week has caught up with me. I woke up this morning convinced it was a Saturday in December and that there was pumpkin bread in the oven – no clue what I must have been dreaming about right before the alarm went off.

As I am still working against a deadline tonight, there won’t be paragraphs of excessive bitching and rambling this week. I just wanted to post my weight so I can stay on track.

I am happy to report that it was another loss!! (Which means I managed to stay clear of any and all Halloween candy!)

 

I know you’re in terrible withdrawal so I promise to get back to my weekly randomness next Monday.

Happy November!

 

“I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.” –  Vince McMahon