Box Office Flop

Happy first week of June! My favorite month of the year…official start of summer. My birthday month. End of the fiscal year. Beach weather. My birthday month. 🙂

I had the displeasure of making a video of myself this week. Ugh…talk about a buzz kill. Video may have killed the radio star but it also killed my confidence.  (Hope to be able to share the reason for the video with you soon…don’t want to jinx myself.)

I have always had this weird quirk about my personality when it comes to people embarrassing themselves…often when they don’t mean to – but I cannot muster up enough courage to watch it…especially if I don’t know the person.  (I know – that’s so backwards.)  During American Idol I have to turn my head away from the television when someone sings – good or bad. During talent shows I have to hide my face I’m so anxious for the person auditioning. I don’t know what it is…it’s like I can feel their nerves. Sometimes I wonder if I’m more nervous than the person standing up there belting out a horrendous rendition of “I Believe I Can Fly”!

With that being said – when I have to watch myself on film, like I did this weekend, then forget it. I wanted to bury my head in the sand. I thought I had issues with myself in still shots…haha – you have no idea how bad it is in motion.  Voice doesn’t sound normal…and my appearance….Well – camera is not currently doing me any favors! Certainly wasn’t sitting there watching it play back thinking: “Damn, I’d shag me.”

Oh well…that’s what I’m here for, right?! To make baby steps to get to the point where I look amazing on screen…should I have the opportunity to get back on camera that is. Keep your fingers crossed!!! (Wink wink.)

So the scale….oh the scale. Four months in….and apparently we’re carrying the “baby step” theme right on through to the scale numbers. Down just a skosh…

Sorry – looks like I took this picture in dense fog…216.4 is the official number.

So glad that I picked the hottest week of my life to decide to set a goal to “start” working out….went for a walk a few days. No, wait…I didn’t walk for a few days – I went for a few walks….whatever – you get the point!  But this heat is craziness. I was sweating just thinking about walking outside and standing in the sun.

I did decide to bust out a little Shakeweight action this week….I can only imagine what that would have looked like on camera. I’m sure it would have been America’s Funniest Home Videos worthy. While it does look like the stupidest, most ignorant piece of exercise equipment on the market (2nd only to the Thighmaster of course) – I’m baffled to report that it actually works. (There’s a great how-to video on YouTube if you need it. Although the motion is pretty self explanatory.) And my torso is extremely sore.

Hold on…I just said my torso is sore…this is for arms…Ok, so very clearly I am doing it wrong. But it’s moving something around in there. Or just twisting it weird. Wow…I’ve always known I was uncoordinated…but too uncoordinated for a dumbbell you jiggle?! Only me!! 🙂

Week was relatively uneventful otherwise…Gluten is staying where it belongs…OUT of my digestive system. And I’ve had some great recipes again since the last post.  Alex at Natty’s outdid himself again…Fried Green Tomato (coated in cornstarch for a GF girl like me), topped with jalapeño pimento cheese, black eyed pea relish and a shrimp.  Delicious! This tasty morsel, ladies and gentleman, warranted a bigger mama slap than the pork belly!!

Love how this has started to turn into a GF food blog…oh well – at least I’m not gaining! So, Alex…and any other chef/cook that wants to make me their GF guinea pig – I welcome the challenge!!!  Bon appetit!

“A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.”  ~Author Unknown

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Bad. Badder. Worstest.

BAD: You accidentally buy whole milk at the grocery store.

BADDER: You accidentally drink a milkshake with said whole milk.

WORSTEST: You fill up the bathtub with heavy cream and drink your way to the bottom.

BAD: You skip your workout.

BADDER: You skip a week of workouts.

WORSTEST: You forgot how to get to the gym.

BAD: You ate too much fried shrimp.

BADDER: Security guards now stop you from entering Red Lobster.

WORSTEST: Your name is mentioned in a worldwide article about a seafood shortage.

BAD: Your favorite shirt is too tight.

BADDER: You split your pants.

WORSTEST: A button popped off your jeans and severely injured a co-worker.

BAD: You barely made it through the 5K you trained for.

BADDER: You barely make it through the Mile Run you trained for.

WORSTEST: You barely made it through the “Real Housewives of Orange County” marathon.

BAD: You were turned down for a date because you’re too big.

BADDER: You were turned down for a job because you’re too big.

WORSTEST: You were turned down from “Biggest Loser” because you’re too big.

BAD: You were really uncomfortable going horseback riding.

BADDER: They couldn’t find a saddle that fit you.

WORSTEST: You broke a horse.

BAD: You tracked your food and went over your allotted calories.

BADDER: You tracked your food and went waaaay over your allotted calories.

WORSTEST: You tracked your food and ran out of numbers.

BAD: You don’t have any jeans that fit.

BADDER: You don’t have any sweatpants that fit.

WORSTEST: You don’t have any muumuus that fit.

BAD: You eat cheese and crackers on the sofa.

BADDER: You eat chips and dip in bed.

WORSTEST: You eat cold pizza in the shower.

BAD: You maintain the same weight from the week before.

BADDER: You gain weight on a diet.

WORSTEST: You are unable to keep any food down for 4 days and still only manage to lose 2 lbs.

I am so over this stomach BS!!!!! Please, someone tell me, how I essentially ingest nothing for almost a week and lose only two pounds?! I just don’t get it…Trying with all my might not to give up.

Hoping to hear from the doctor tomorrow regarding the results of the stomach/small intestine biopsies I had done last week. While I don’t really want anything to be wrong, I’m almost hopeful that she found something…I can’t go on like this anymore. I know something is wrong…I know my insides are fighting back like a kick-ass scene in the Matrix…I just don’t know why.  I’m about to start a pool…$5 per bet…who will take IBS? Celiac Disease? Crohn’s? Diverticulitis?

Fingers crossed for some direction and answers by the end of the week…otherwise I’m not sure what I’m going to do….

“Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. ” ~ Unknown