Box Office Flop

Happy first week of June! My favorite month of the year…official start of summer. My birthday month. End of the fiscal year. Beach weather. My birthday month. 🙂

I had the displeasure of making a video of myself this week. Ugh…talk about a buzz kill. Video may have killed the radio star but it also killed my confidence.  (Hope to be able to share the reason for the video with you soon…don’t want to jinx myself.)

I have always had this weird quirk about my personality when it comes to people embarrassing themselves…often when they don’t mean to – but I cannot muster up enough courage to watch it…especially if I don’t know the person.  (I know – that’s so backwards.)  During American Idol I have to turn my head away from the television when someone sings – good or bad. During talent shows I have to hide my face I’m so anxious for the person auditioning. I don’t know what it is…it’s like I can feel their nerves. Sometimes I wonder if I’m more nervous than the person standing up there belting out a horrendous rendition of “I Believe I Can Fly”!

With that being said – when I have to watch myself on film, like I did this weekend, then forget it. I wanted to bury my head in the sand. I thought I had issues with myself in still shots…haha – you have no idea how bad it is in motion.  Voice doesn’t sound normal…and my appearance….Well – camera is not currently doing me any favors! Certainly wasn’t sitting there watching it play back thinking: “Damn, I’d shag me.”

Oh well…that’s what I’m here for, right?! To make baby steps to get to the point where I look amazing on screen…should I have the opportunity to get back on camera that is. Keep your fingers crossed!!! (Wink wink.)

So the scale….oh the scale. Four months in….and apparently we’re carrying the “baby step” theme right on through to the scale numbers. Down just a skosh…

Sorry – looks like I took this picture in dense fog…216.4 is the official number.

So glad that I picked the hottest week of my life to decide to set a goal to “start” working out….went for a walk a few days. No, wait…I didn’t walk for a few days – I went for a few walks….whatever – you get the point!  But this heat is craziness. I was sweating just thinking about walking outside and standing in the sun.

I did decide to bust out a little Shakeweight action this week….I can only imagine what that would have looked like on camera. I’m sure it would have been America’s Funniest Home Videos worthy. While it does look like the stupidest, most ignorant piece of exercise equipment on the market (2nd only to the Thighmaster of course) – I’m baffled to report that it actually works. (There’s a great how-to video on YouTube if you need it. Although the motion is pretty self explanatory.) And my torso is extremely sore.

Hold on…I just said my torso is sore…this is for arms…Ok, so very clearly I am doing it wrong. But it’s moving something around in there. Or just twisting it weird. Wow…I’ve always known I was uncoordinated…but too uncoordinated for a dumbbell you jiggle?! Only me!! 🙂

Week was relatively uneventful otherwise…Gluten is staying where it belongs…OUT of my digestive system. And I’ve had some great recipes again since the last post.  Alex at Natty’s outdid himself again…Fried Green Tomato (coated in cornstarch for a GF girl like me), topped with jalapeño pimento cheese, black eyed pea relish and a shrimp.  Delicious! This tasty morsel, ladies and gentleman, warranted a bigger mama slap than the pork belly!!

Love how this has started to turn into a GF food blog…oh well – at least I’m not gaining! So, Alex…and any other chef/cook that wants to make me their GF guinea pig – I welcome the challenge!!!  Bon appetit!

“A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.”  ~Author Unknown

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Say Cheese!!!

They say the camera adds 10 pounds…guess I need to stop eating cameras. 🙂

Know one reason I want to be skinny? I want to have a spur of the moment picture taken and not be absolutely mortified after I see it. I absolutely hate having my picture taken. Well no, that’s not entirely true…I like having it taken, I HATE seeing the end result.  I’ve never thought of myself as a photogenic person…I can make a picture look ok if I hold my head the right way or tilt my chin at the perfect angle.

Seeing a photo of myself these days makes my self-esteem drop to the lowest level possible. I have a vision of what I feel like I look like…then I see that photo and it starts…the slew of insults I give myself: “You’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook! You look like you’ve got an intertube around your belly! Are you storing food for the winter?! You’re 3 times the size of the other people in the picture!” And so on…I know it sounds mean…I know it sounds awful…and it is.

I need to take a class in head angles…body position…the perfect smile. I can take 2 photos 30 seconds apart and look like a completely different person from one to the other.  See below…1st picture…squirrel cheeks…2nd picture…better cheek bones and only 1 chin.

Squirrel Cheeks at the finest!

30 seconds later...only one chin!

Why does it seem like such an act of God to look attractive in a photo?  Just to clarify, I am not comparing my photogenic ability (or lack of) to that of a magazine photo of a model. I know they’re so nipped and tucked and adjusted and photoshopped…I’m talking about real life people.  My family is quite photogenic.

I’ve always been so jealous of the rest of them…my sister is amazingly beautiful. You could take a picture of her in a sweat suit with leaves in her hair and she would look amazing. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a bad picture of her. EVER…step-sister is the same…beautiful from every angle. Cousins, aunts, uncles, dad and my mom especially…all so photogenic!  What happened to me?!  I’m not calling myself ugly…I’m calling myself awkward when there’s a camera around.

Just came across an article on the 9 steps to taking a good picture….I shall share with you.

1)      Being photogenic refers to the ability of appearing very attractive in photos.  – Well, duh! If I knew how to appear very attractive would I need to read the other eight?!

2)      Focus on what you’re wearing.– Guess naked or spandex isn’t a great choice for me right now.

3)      Mind your complexion and grooming.- Well you saw my eyebrows in the picture above…as for complexion…well, where’s that number for Proactiv?

4)      Keep your face in equilibrium. – If I knew what this was…I think the right side is bigger than the left…should I turn my head to the side?

5)      Work the angles. – 90 degree tilt?

6)      Get rid of a double chin.– Supposedly resting your tongue on the roof of your mouth helps with this…it makes me look like I’m choking.

7)      Focus on your posture. – This inevitably ends up looking like I’m contorting my body…and you can see the discomfort on my face.

8)      Relax. – Translates to me looking high.

9)      Think happy thoughts.  – Having my picture taken does not lead to happy thoughts…it leads to panic…and nervousness.

 Perhaps I’m being too critical. I do feel like I’ve got an above average appearance – but also feel I am automatically discounted due to my robust size. As if wearing a double-digit size automatically makes me less smart or less capable than my svelte counterparts. It shouldn’t be all about outer appearance…but for someone who has struggled so much with the negative internal dialogue, I’m ready to look at a picture of myself and be satisfied.

If I’m going to get to that point though, I have to refocus. I’m struggling with concentration. Diet has been all over the place the last week. Same with the exercise….I think I can, I think I can….still went down a little.

I will not let myself stop moving forward.  Still having a hard time with the planning part. Seems like I need to get back into checklist world again to get myself started…My focus has apparently been on Spring Break…school is back in session. On the syllabus this week – getting under 230.

“I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short.” ~ Shelley Winters