Slowly But Surely


Well, this was a less than stellar weight loss week…

I’ve been really religious about certain things since spring and it’s amazing how a little leniency for only a few days can completely sabotage your weight loss.

Traveling…ugh. Makes me even more stressed about Thanksgiving since I know I’ll be stuffing my face will all the gluten-free goodness I can get my hands on.  I tend to get flustered when I’m outside my normal element…i.e. when I’m not at home.

Nonetheless…here are this week’s successes and failures…

The Oops Side…

1)   I Drank My Damn Calories – For the last 6 months or so, I’ve been incredibly religious about not drinking my calories. I am TERRIBLE about downing 4 gallons of liquid at any given meal. Waiters hate me…HATE me. No sooner than they’ve refilled my glass and I’ve inhaled what was in it. I’m not sure if it was the carbonation that was making me feel like crap or the sheer amount I was sipping, but I decided to only drink water or unsweetened tea months ago and I think just this alone has made a world of difference in my weight and how I’m feeling. (I absolutely swore off diet drinks anyway because I’m super afraid of what aspartame does and that definitely wasn’t an option.) I seriously think I’ve been saving myself 3000 calories a meal. And even if it was only one Coke…it was one restaurant sized Coke which is the equivalent of about 4.5 cans of Coke and frankly, I’d much rather be able to eat those French fry calories than drink ‘em.

But this week…we were home. And the Carolinas means one thing…Cherry Lemon Sundrop. My kryptonite. I was introduced to it in college and I’ve been hooked ever since.  We bought a case and I’ve been downing them ever since.  If you’ve never tried the stuff, you’re seriously missing out. With that sweet cherry-citrusy goodness also came some calories I’d like to return.

2)   Sweet Tooth – With Halloween having been a few weeks ago, we still have candy left over. We bought a bag but had no costumed munchkins at the door so it’s left for us to consume. I’m guessing it was either the M&M’s or the pound of pralines I bought in Charleston. OMG…Pralines. I think I just got cold chills typing that. I truly think that eating a straight tablespoon of Crisco is better for you than a praline but who cares. They are so freaking delicious. In my book, people that don’t like Pralines are in the same category as people that don’t like babies or puppies. How can you not like butter and sugar and pecans melted together in a glorious heap? Well…apparently the scale didn’t like them…Heathen.

3)   On The Road Again – Being in the car for what felt like days at a time meant that cooking my own meals wasn’t really an option. So while traveling up or down some boring stretch of highway I was left with the only truly safe gluten-free options I knew of…Chick-Fil-A and uh, yeah that’s all. (Unless you count grabbing a bag of chips at a gas station.) Convenient, car worthy food is unfortunately not the healthiest. Maybe it was the 4 packets of Chick-Fil-A sauce? Best sauce EVER. (Damn sauce and its calories…ugh! I’m such a saucy girl. Ok…not saucy like that…dippin’ saucy girl.)

4)   Pre-meal – Allen and I have gotten a lot better….strike that. Hannah has gotten a lot better about not feeling like I HAVE to have an appetizer before every meal. I’m often so hungry that I feel like I might implode before the food can get there so almost always insist on some type of pre-meal snack since we can’t indulge in the bread and butter. (Side note…why do waitresses always look so offended when you say “No Bread!”?)

Cutting back on the appetizers has not only cut the calories, but the cost too. I mean seriously…what is the profit on spinach dip if it’s sold at a restaurant for $9.00?!

This past weekend however, I think we appetizered at every meal….except breakfast. Between the chips and spring rolls and pimento cheese with Bugles (you have to try it! Bugles are the unsung hero of the dip world), I over-indulged a bit. (Just to clarify…we did not have all of those things at one meal.)

But aside from a few hiccups…the week was not without a number of successes.

The Ohhh Yeah List…

1)   These Boots Were Made For Walking – Went to buy new boots today and was able to fit into non-elasticy, non-extended width boots. Yay!!! This should make my shoe fetish a bit more expensive. 🙂  I’ve had a tough time the last few years finding some that were wide enough and didn’t feel like a calf tourniquet. Three cheers for cute shoes!!

2)   Little Black Dress – At the beginning of all of this, there was a dress in my closet (I actually think it belonged to my sister in HS) that was my goal to fit in. Very late 90’s looking. Strapless. Stupid slits and the most horrid material. I never planned on wearing it out anywhere, but always set a goal that I wanted to be able to fit in that dress. I was probably close to 200 lbs when I was actually able to fit the dress for the Get In The Black Dress Mission over my hips. Zipping was out of the question. There was a good 4-5 inches before that thing was coming close to closed.

Well…I forgot about that dress. And for some reason, a few weeks ago, the thought of that dress randomly popped in my mind and I ventured to try it on. Well…goal dress is now what we would call too big. Hah! Fancy that…I am ripping the seams before and now it’s loose. Hashtag Awesome!

3)   Closet Clean Up – I finally got rid of all of my bigger girl clothes. There were a number of pieces that I held on to. Not sure why…not sure if it was to give myself a psychological pass to gain weight again. Not sure if it was my cheapo brain that didn’t want to throw anything away that I’d paid for.  I would wear a few things every once in a while thinking I was getting away with a slightly looser shirt or pair of pants. Not so much. I looked like a hobo, which I decided is not an appropriate look for job interviews. So…to prevent frumpy in the future, all clothing that is not my current size is now in the hands of Goodwill. Organization and a tax write off!

4)   Photo Op – We took a trip to NC for a fantastic photo session. It’s the first time my sisters and I have been together since my sister’s wedding. Not only was the session a million times less daunting because I wasn’t as stressed about how many chins were showing, but I got to see my amazingly adorable niece and that was worth every minute in the car!

5)   And last but not least…The Scale – I’m in the 150’s for the first time…ummm ever?! I think I was born weighing 160. This also means that my BMI has dropped from a 42.6 to a 27.3…craziness!


Hoping for less ‘oopsies’ next week and a better loss result. I’ve got my sights set on that 100-pound mark!

“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.” ~ George S. Patton

You Might Be Gluten-Free If…..

Jeff Foxworthy did his redneck style. I do mine GF-style. Minds out of the gutter people!

I’m in a cheesy mood tonight…Not that it has anything to do with the amazing queso fresco I just ingested – but in a dorky, witty, joking mood. Perhaps it’s because it’s Monday…perhaps it’s because the new job has me a little frazzled, but regardless, you’re the lucky one that gets to enjoy light-heartedness this evening…

So without further ado ….You Might Be Gluten-Free If….

…your bar tab went up exponentially when you had to stop drinking beer and start drinking liquor.

…you keep at least 5 kinds of flour in the house and none of them start with ‘W’.

…you can’t eat at a buffet.

…the smell of freshly baked pizza makes you on the verge of postal.

…Five Guys sees you coming and instantly changes their gloves.

…you get stomach cramps walking through the bread aisle.

…you question your ‘Southern card’ since you can’t remember what fried chicken tastes like.

…you’ve ever deliberately slammed your shopping cart into the Wheat Thins display in a fit of rage.

…you spend more time reading ingredients than actually eating the food.

…your happiest moment this year was discovering GF bagels at the grocery store.

…someone could rob you with just a club sandwich and Doritos.

…you’ll hug people with a nasty cough but keep someone eating a cookie at an arm’s length or farther.

…you’re considering converting to the Aztec religion, so people will accept your corn-worshipping ways.

…you pack your own toaster to go on vacations.

…you have written “CONTAMINATED” on containers of cream cheese.

…you’ve considered strangling friends/relatives who say “It can’t hurt if you only eat a little, can it?”

…you can find hidden gluten on food labels in the blink of an eye and some people around you couldn’t find it if they had a magnifying glass, a dictionary and a Ph.D.

…you burn your toast and eat it anyway because those two tiny pieces of bread cost $1.50.

…during the holidays, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

…you are afraid of spices and in restaurants, ask for your food “naked.”

…people think you’re on a low-carb diet.

…you’ve ever asked for a bunless burger and been looked at like you have 3 heads.

…you kiss your date before dinner instead of after.

…you write a GF blog!

…you’re feeling better than you EVER have in your life and still losing weight! Go me!!!



Still chipping away at the pudge. And I do not miss it at all!!

I’m going to work on updating my ‘Goals’ page sometime this week – but wanted to let you know the two new ones that I have set for myself in the meantime.

1)      To lose an additional 50 lbs by my sister’s wedding. Wedding is May 19, 2012…that amounts to about 10 lbs a month. Completely attainable goal – although I’m a little off this week – my next goal should help me get there with more certainty…

2)      To start working out. The scary thing is that I really am itching to get active. I’m imagining myself doing physical things and yearning to get a good aerobic sweat in. I’ve never wanted to sweat before so I’m a little shocked that I feel guilty about not doing anything at this point.

Now that eating better is second nature, I can focus on my other arch nemesis: moving my behind. I certainly need to work on toning and firming up. Nothing sexy about excess jiggle. And there will certainly not be anything sexy about loose skin if I manage to lose (I’m sorry…WHEN I LOSE) 100 pounds. I commit to you, loyal followers, that by the time I post a blog next week, I will have started my workout regimen.


Before I sign off this week – I want to mention something I mentioned last week…There’s only one day left and the way it stood a few days ago, it will take an absolute miracle (or divine intervention) for me to come out on top…but I need votes! Please go to and vote for #13 (If mine is your favorite) and help send me on the GF/culinary trip of a lifetime. (See last week’s post for more details.)

I really appreciate all of you that have voted for me thus far and helped to spread the word. Voting ends tomorrow (12/20) at midnight and results will be announced on the 22nd. Keep your fingers crossed that the next time you hear from me, I’ll have to add renewing my passport to my to-do list! What an amazing Christmas present that would be!


I hope that each of you has a Merry Christmas…may Santa bring you everything you’ve asked for and more!

“Faith is believing that the outcome will be what it should be, no matter what it is.”  ~Colette Baron-Reid

It’s Time for Some Turkey!

Happy Thanksgiving Week!  So much to be thankful for this year…so much that I’m not going to let a little (ok, so a lot of weight gain) get me down…


Damn you alcoholic beverages. Your empty calories sure know how to ruin a trip to the scale!


I’m not even going to pretend that it will be way lower next week. I’m not saying I’m going to stuff my face beyond the point of maximum gastric expansion, but I am saying that I plan to enjoy a fantastic meal. Well…fantastic meals. Having multiple families also means having multiple Thanksgivings.

At least I can safely steer clear of the dessert table this year – there will be no pumpkin pie or pecan pie being ingested for this girl! It’s all good…dessert is never my favorite part anyway. I’d rather have 4 helpings of brussell sprouts than a piece of pie any day.

We must avoid the food coma!!!

Need some additional tips for getting through the beaucoups of food this Thanksgiving…I’ve got you covered….Here are some phrases to help you say no to too much:

  • “Sorry, my tapeworm won’t allow me to eat pumpkin pie.”
  • “My religion forbids cranberry sauce.”
  • “No thanks. I happen to know that Cousin Marc licked all the rolls before dinner.”
  • “My doctor informed me that even one slice of pecan pie will make my spleen explode.”
  • “No thanks. I see dead people in gravy.”
  • “That stuffing looks delicious but it brings back hurtful memories of that sorority hazing incident that’s too painful for me to talk about…”
  • “I’m allergic to second helpings.”
  • “I don’t think so. Dad always buys his turkeys from some dude who sells them out of the trunk of his Grand Am along with bootleg DVDs…”
  • “I yam not gonna have any of those marshmallowy sweet potatoes, thank you very much.”
  • “I would have more, but you’re a terrible cook…”
  • “Do you have any diet wine?”
  • “No thanks… I had giblets for breakfast this morning.”
  • “No green bean casserole for me this year; I’m showing my support for the plight of Chilean green bean farmers.”
  • “No thanks. I saw Grandma spit into the mashed potatoes while she was making them.”
  • “I think that has gluten in it. Sorry, none for me!”


I’m going to just say no to over stuffing myself…but sure am thankful for how far I’ve come, how many of you have been here to support me, and how amazing I feel.


Happy Thanksgiving to you all!


“Thanksgiving: Not a good day to be my pants.” ~ Kevin James

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones…

A few weeks ago I was in the checkout line at the grocery store. I had gotten a few of my favorite gluten-free pizzas and another item or 2 that was specifically labeled as gluten-free. I should have known the line was doomed from the start. I don’t know what it is with people getting in the express lane regardless of the 22 items they have in their cart. The freaking sign says 15 or less…15! OR LESS! Learn to count or shop somewhere else. I don’t know why that drives me so crazy! I always count every item to make sure I’m not hitting the limit. Granted I do break the limit rule when it comes to dressing room items, but seriously. Extreme couponing’s biggest fan with her 57 bottles of mustard and 18 boxes of Kleenex does not warrant standing in the Express lane!

I wish the cashier had told the woman who couldn’t count that she needed to step into another line and follow the rules like everyone else, but nooooooo. So thinking she was just soft spoken and too timid to say anything, I didn’t think anything of her when I stepped up to check out. Boy did she prove me wrong.

She started commenting on every item – “Oh…parsnips. What do you do with those?” “Brie…not a big fan.” “Smart Balance…guess the healthy aspect doesn’t really matter with that brie in the basket, does it?” At this point I already wanted to hit her…and then she brought it home. “Oh I see you have some gluten-free items in here. Does someone in your house not eat gluten?” So I told her I have Celiac Disease…and her response: “You have Celiac Disease? That’s not possible. People with Celiac Disease are malnourished and waifish…you’re…well, overweight.”

Um…excuse me, biotch?! Did I seriously just hear that come out of her mouth? I tried to respond with some horrid, mean comeback but all I could do was muster up some weird uncomfortable smile and stood there completely silent.

Who tells someone they couldn’t possibly have a disease because they don’t look like a few other people that have the same ailment. That’s so ridiculous. Who stereotypes like that?! I’m sorry Magic Johnson, you couldn’t possibly have HIV because everyone I’ve ever seen with it is thin and sickly and you’re not. I’m sorry Stevie Wonder, there’s no way you’re blind, because you can play the piano.

Who has the gall to say that someone’s disease isn’t valid because their physique isn’t what you’d expect?! There is NOTHING in any literature I’ve read stating that thinness is a requirement for Celiac Disease. In children, yes possibly, but adults, not so much. And not only that…but why in the hell am I incapable of coming up with a witty comeback until I’m in my car driving away?!  As Billy Idol once said: “I love when someone insults me. It means I don’t have to be nice anymore.” So in honor of my awful cashier and my untimely delay…here are the best insult comebacks of all time: (Disclaimer: Some of these are mean. But there are certain times they might be warranted.)

  • I’ve heard more coherent things from a schizophrenic with Tourette’s.
  • What kind of car do you drive, a short bus?
  • It’s scary to think that people like you are allowed to vote.
  • It’s scary to think that people like you are allowed to breed.
  • I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter statement than that.
  • Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
  • You’re like the female version of Charlie Sheen.
  • Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.
  • I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and tomorrow I will be sober.
  • Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.
  • The Rainman called. He wants his social skills back.
  • Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
  • Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
  • People like you are the reason I’m on medication.
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.
  • Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.
  • I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.


Phew! Now I feel better….and not only that, but this ‘fat girl with Celiac Disease’ lost weight! Woot woot!

So close to being under the 200 pound mark. I can hardly believe it!   Not weighing myself for 2 weeks really paid off.  I am re-focused, re-committed, and ready to take on anyone that tries to knock me down. Watch out world…it’s on now. 🙂



“The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved.”  ~J. Russel Lynes

Happy NCAD!

Happy National Celiac Awareness Day!  (It’s officially tomorrow, but I want to get a head start!)

The U.S. Senate has passed a resolution designating Sept. 13 as National Celiac Disease Awareness Day. The “Day” is intended to honor those affected by celiac disease, and to also commemorate the birth of Dr. Samuel Gee, a pioneer in celiac disease research.

In honor of NCAD – here are some fun tidbits about Celiac Disease:

  1. 1 in 133 people in the US has Celiac Disease.


  2. 1 in 22 people with a first degree relative (parent, child, sibling) with Celiac Disease are also afflicted.


  3. 21% of patients with a positive Celiac antibody test could not receive a biopsy due to the refusal of their physician to perform the procedure or the insurance company to pay for it.  – I am so blessed to have had such an amazing doctor…finally!


  4. The number of people with Celiac Disease in the U.S. would fill 4,400 Boeing 747 airplanes.


  5. The exact cause of celiac disease is still a mystery. Research indicates that celic disease can be triggered by a stressful event such as pregnancy, surgery, childbirth or even a bout of gastroenteritis.


  6.  The only treatment for celiac disease is a 100% gluten-free diet. – While it does somewhat pain me to know that there are certain things I’ll never have again, it does give me some satisfaction to know that my treatment is 100% in my control.


  7. If Left Untreated, Celiac Disease Can Have Serious Consequences…think seizures (due to inadequate absorption of folic acid which causes calcifications in the brain), a leaky gut, or certain types of bowel cancer.


  8. GF foods are, on average, 242% more expensive than their non-GF counterparts.


  9. People with CD dine out 80% less than they used to before diagnosis and believe less than 10% of eating establishments have a ‘very good’ or ‘good’ understanding of GF diets. – I would absolutely agree!


  10. CD affects more people in the US than Crohn’s Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s disease combined.


  11. 2.5 babies are born every minute in the USA with the genetic makeup to have CD – A little worried about that half baby though 🙂


  12. 610,000 women in the US experience unexplained fertility: 6% (36,000) might never learn that the reason for their infertility is Celiac Disease.


  13. Americans with celiac could fill Soldier Field (home of the Chicago Bears)– THIRTY SEVEN TIMES!


  14. Eating gluten-free is not a weight loss diet. Many gluten-free breads and other baked goods are not only expensive, but high in fat and calories. Many people with celiac disease gain weight on a gluten-free diet as the body heals and begins properly absorbing nutrients. Not this week!!!!


The fact that I’ve hardly eaten in 2 days probably helped that number a little. These stupid accidental glutenings are really starting to get on my nerves! Crazy how the side effects get worse the longer I’ve gone without gluten in my life. They may have been bad before but I was already so sick that I didn’t know the difference.


I’m not sure what got to me this time, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was a new brand of corn tortillas that I tried and the end result was BAD. It’s like the flu without the fever. And good gracious am I ever a bitch when I’ve been glutened…It tends to bring out my snippy, Cruella De Vil side! (Minus the affinity for skinning puppies for the sake of my fashion habits.)



Aside from being sick to my stomach, it was like night of the living dead in the house – I think I slept 35 hours this past weekend. And when I’m up, everything is in slow motion. Is this what I used to be like all the time?! It’s crazy to think that I might have been in that weird Zombie-like state for the last 12 years and I’m just now finding some type of semblance of feeling ‘normal.’ Makes me want to have a mulligan on some things I wish I’d put a little more effort into before like college or attempting losing weight the other 100 times. I might have been a little more focused and driven if my energy wasn’t literally going in one end and out the other since nothing was essentially being absorbed. (Sorry for the bad visual.)

Wow what a difference the last 4 months have made!

So how are you going to celebrate tomorrow’s ‘holiday’? Why don’t you bake something gluten-free, sign’s letter to the FDA regarding GF labeling, review the Celiac Symptoms Checklist if you think you or someone you know might be affected, or tell your doctor ‘Sorry’ isn’t good enough and end the cycle of misdiagnosis once and for all!

I’m going to spend the day enjoying how good it feels to be free of gluten and full of life!


Happy National Celiac Awareness Day to the world!


“You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.”  ~ David Viscott