Tapeworms…Clean ones.

I read today that some people have intentionally – yes, I said INTENTIONALLY – given themselves tapeworms to lose weight. Seriously?!  Aside from that, where does one order a tapeworm? Craigslist? The Classifieds? Are there tapeworm sellers on Ebay with positive feedback 99.8% or higher?  Scary.

The article does mention that the “tapeworm diet” is only practiced with sanitized tapeworms….phew! Thank goodness! I was worried for a minute! I mean, really…does it matter that they’re disinfected or not? Using a sanitized tapeworm is like giving yourself rabies from a freshly groomed dog.

To be in a country that so easily exposes the fraudulent practices of any other industry, there sure are a lot of shoddy weight loss promises out there…I know, I know…as long as people are willing to try it and pay for it, they’ll keep showing up…I get that. But isn’t it about time we have an FDA equivalent for the lose-your-fat industry? A ranking system…a BBB-esque organization.  Surprise, surprise…I’ve fallen victim to a lot of those get results quick claims. I’ve ordered the pills and the juice and the bands and the body suits…ok not the last one, but I’m sure if there had been an infomercial at 3am with the 13 people who claim that it works then I would have bought one. Of course…none of this crazy, “this is not approved by the FDA” stuff worked.

Sad part is…I know exactly what works…I’ve always known what works. I have the books and the science and the proven research that burning more calories than I take in will lead to weight loss.  Why am I so convinced I’m going to wake up one day, turn on the news and hear “Breaking news! If you walk outside, turn around 3 times, bite your lip and grunt then you will instantly lose 100 pounds!”?!

All these times I’ve tried that quick fix, I was wasting time not doing what I know will work. Instead, I’ve gotten my hopes up, only to have that new miracle solution fail. I’m trying to keep repeating to myself that I didn’t gain the weight overnight…I’m not going to lose it overnight.

I’m finally at a point now, of disgust or despair or necessity, that I truly believe that this is a battle I’m going to fight the rest of my life. Not the battle to lose the weight (because that goal weight is all mine!), but the battle to keep it lost.  I won’t ever be able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want and refrain from exercise…it sucks…but it’s my reality and I’ve finally come to grips with it. Feels like an addict finally admitting their problems…an epiphany. “Hi my name is Hannah and I will have to be accountable nutritionally and physically for the rest of my life.”

I keep reiterating to myself that this is a lifestyle change…not a diet. (Which, might I point out, does have the word die in it.) The last few days have been tougher than I expected. It’s true what they say…when you think you can’t have something, you want it even more. Continuing to remind myself that I need to watch what I eat has made my cravings for something I don’t need much stronger. I never crave chocolate – but you wouldn’t know it this week. The smell of Taco Bell normally makes me gag – but all week my hunger is yelling at me to think outside the bun.  However,  I am proud to say that I did not succumb to temptation one time this week!! Not one!!…I’ll pause for a moment while you applaud……thank you!

I do need to figure out a way to relax about it all, though. I find myself getting so worked up about how many calories are in each bite, did I have too much arugula, was that serving of grapes too big or did that cup of water make my weight go up an ounce?  I’m trying to stop obsessing over everything…I know I’m not overweight because I ate too much lettuce or had too many grapes.  I had to hide my scale to prevent myself from getting on it a few times a day and am restricting myself to weighing once a week. It’s funny…I’m trying so hard to have so much control over every aspect of all of this, when being overweight, for me anyway, is the result of having too little control over myself.

Deep breath….

One day and a time, Hannah…success is all yours this time.

In the meantime, I can take comfort in knowing that I’ve made extremely smart choices this week and I am anxious to see what the result of this week’s efforts are.  Knowing that I have so many of you cheering for me has been amazingly encouraging. I never in a million years expected the response and the support like I have received and it is truly humbling.  My focus the last few days I owe in large part to you. I am touched and flattered by your comments and reassurance. Thank you so much for being part of this ride with me.

Stay tuned for the scale shot on Monday (with prettier toes!)… Have a great weekend everyone!

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.”

~Henry Ford

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Posting My Starting Weight: Humiliation or Liberation?

Well there it is…in all its glory…the scale.  I can’t hide behind the number anymore…can’t secretly write it down in a little journal or notebook for no one else to see but myself. Though posting what I actually weigh is causing some unnecessary anxiety – it’s quite freeing!  I will say with 100% certainty that I will NEVER see this number on the scale again. (On a side note…I apologize for the poorly pedicured feet!)

Part of me is afraid that some people might have the “OMG she weighs how much?!” response…(hell, I had the same response when I stepped on the scale this morning!)..but I keep reminding myself that I can’t fix what I’m not honest about…well, that and I’m pretty sure that no one looks at me and says “Hmmm…I thinks she weighs 130 lbs.”

Those of you that know me the best know I’ve spent the last 15 years of my life “trying” every diet, juice, pill or other gimmick on the market. While some of them are promising…I am sad to report that eating raw vegetables for the rest of your life isn’t feasible, liquid diets are miserable, cabbage soup is a horrible way to live (for both you and those around you) and most disappointing of all: taking QuickTrim does not make you look like a Kardashian. Really bummed about the last one – I was really hoping to look like Kim Kardashian by Valentine’s Day!

I’m fed up with the yo-yo dieting and roller coaster weight battle I’ve been fighting.

I want to shop in a normal store. I want to like pictures of myself instead of having to un-tag myself in them to prevent showing 14 chins instead of 1. I want to wear shorts in the summer (confidently that is). I want to wear undergarments that are cute and dainty, not ones that are on the verge of being industrial (Ok so, yes I have cute ones – Sorry, Dad – but is frilly underwear really that cute in a size 18?!). I want to look in a full-length mirror with satisfaction instead of despair. I want to stop thinking mean thoughts when I see skinny women. I want to be able to say my weight out loud with pride. I want to say “I used to be overweight.”  I want my boobs to stick out more than my stomach when I’m sitting down and not the other way around. I want to feel the power of accomplishment. I want to stop wearing out the thigh of my jeans before anything else. I want to wear cute boots that actually fit over my calves. I want to live longer. I want to stop giving excuses as to why I haven’t succeeded before.  I want to change my life.

Wait a minute…no, I don’t want these things…I WILL DO these things!!!

After only 1 day of this blog officially being online, I can feel in my soul that this time is different. I have already made better decisions with my “followers” in mind. I can’t wait to share my success! It’s so motivating to know that I have cheerleaders out there!

Until next time…