I have a confession…

Yes, that’s right…I have a confession. I am addicted…completely and utterly addicted, to brussell sprouts.

I’ll give you a moment to process that…I know you didn’t see that coming at all…friends and family are whispering to each other: “No not Hannah! I never thought it would happen to her!” I know, I know…I don’t look like the “type” (haha – no really, you don’t expect a woman with a weight problem to be obsessed with brussell spouts).

I could eat them every meal of every day for the rest of my life.  For those interested…I like my “poison” roasted.

Hate them, you may, but thanks to my little miniature cabbage friend, I have had an extremely successful week…see for yourself…

There goes the first goal! Marked through and complete. 5 pounds gone…and ahead of schedule!

So yes, the addiction to brussell sprouts is true, but that’s not the only admission I have tonight.

Confession # 2 is that I really beat myself up this morning when I got on the scale. I was upset with myself for having only lost 5 pounds. I’m not sure why. I have no reason to. My 85 pound weight loss goal by November 15th was based on 2 pounds per week…2…and I’m more than double that. I was very committed (and still am) with my diet this week and logged every single morsel I put in my mouth. That’s a huge accomplishment for me, and I was beating myself up?! I don’t get my own mind sometimes. Perhaps I need to not watch 4 episodes in a row of the Biggest Loser…seeing 21 pounds a week lost on some people is totally messing with my mind! Granted – I’m not working out 11 hours a day either.

(On a side note: Some of you have asked about what I’m doing physically – I am set to work with a trainer a few times a week starting in the next week or two…I’m making baby steps in the exercise department because I want to make sure I’ve got the eating piece under control. Eating brings me the most amount of anxiety and struggle mentally – a topic which I will get into another day…for now I’m getting the diet under wraps instead of tackling every demon at one time.)

I know that one of my biggest obstacles, and perhaps one of the reasons I’ve struggled so much in the past, is that I’ve never known what it’s like to be thin. All the self-help books tell you to visualize your goals. Well I can’t…ok, maybe not can’t, but I don’t know how. I cannot imagine myself thin…I cannot picture myself without pudge…I cannot picture myself in a single-digit size…I cannot picture myself walking out the door in the morning and running 8 miles like it’s nothing. Don’t get me wrong…I want it like it’s nobody’s business. I just feel like the drive and the motivation I feel right now starts to wane over time because I can’t keep saying to myself  that I know what it felt like and I want to be there again. Trust me…I’m miserable the way I am now…I feel like the real me is in here somewhere trying to get out…hell, I ate the real me at some point so I’ve just got to peel away the layers to allow the “true me” to break free.

I’d love to have some fancy software like they had on TLC at one point, with a computer generated image of the thin me. I think that would do so much for helping me visualize that goal.  How do you overcome that? How do you envision yourself as something you’ve never known?  Any input or feedback you might have on this is much appreciated.

I am still incredibly inspired by your continual support over the course of the week. Getting through the first 7 days was not nearly as difficult as I expected. The first 2 were slightly trying – but it got easier and easier day after day. The only thing I’m craving now (and this is random) is Ginger Ale…of every awful thing I used to crave like it was my job, and I’m craving a carbonated beverage used for curing hangovers…Oh well – I guess it could be worse!

For now…I’ll forgo the Ginger Ale and stick to the brussell sprouts…

Until next time…

 

“The best way out is always through.” ~ Robert Frost

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