Hello My Name Is…

For years of my life, and even when I started this journey with you all, I had a nasty habit of calling myself some pretty disgusting names.  The negativity I had flowing through my mind with regards to my self-image would be enough to make Fidel Castro cry.

I was certainly putting on a positive face externally, but the verbal abuse I was subjecting myself to internally was insane.

I wrote down a list of the titles I used to give myself.  Wow….Seeing them on paper really opened my eyes to how mean I was.  I am NOT the things I have for so many years repeated to myself:

I am NOT a slob.

I am NOT lazy.

I am NOT a jealous, ungrateful bitch.

I am NOT disgusting.

I am NOT gross.

I am NOT a screw-up.

I am NOT a failure.

Yes, these are the lovely pet names I gave myself.  It’s no wonder I had such a hard time seeing myself in a better light once I started to change physically.  I was still running the broken record of insults inside, despite changing for the better on the outside.

I discovered that in order to change the way I saw myself, I had to create a different picture…a different image of the person I think I am.

As a praise-driven individual, it sure did take a long time to get through my thick skull that cutting myself down was certainly not the way to self-motivate.

I certainly love all the praise and compliments I have received from those that support me. While they might have once gone in one ear and out the other, they are at least sinking in a little now.  I’ve got you convinced…now it’s time to convince myself.

I’ve obtained, created, supported, and enforced my negative habits the majority of my life – but now it’s time to undo them. It’s time to undo ALL of them.  It is time for me to reprogram my brain to think of myself in only an encouraging way.

I will post notes everywhere if I have to…I will stand in front of the mirror and say something positive every morning to break the habit…whatever work needs to be done, I’m ready and willing to reverse the destructive talk.

I’ve done an incredible thing and I need to remain focused on my accomplishment. I have conquered my most persistent demon: my weight. I no longer look in the mirror and think ‘I can’t”…because I did.

I have lost almost 78 pounds…I would say that constitutes accomplishment!

I did it without gimmicks, without pills, without lotions or potions, I did it without a weight loss show.  I did it with me and only me. That’s certainly not the feat of someone fat or lazy or a failure.

I have beaucoups of reasons to look at myself and be proud.   I must paint myself in a better light…

I am successful.

I am healthy.

I am happy.

I am loved.

I am the whole package.

I must give myself a better pet name…

 

Welcome to my amazing world.

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Hello My Name Is…

  1. Love it! Good post – no, GREAT post Hannah! I am so glad I subscribed to your blog last week, or the week before. Your writing is awesome and is so very, very inspiring to me….because I am in the same boat as you once were. I have no idea how I came across your blog, but I’m always googling weightloss, being overweight, negative thinking….never anything Positive! OH, I know what I googled!! I was wanting some positive images or sayings to put on my fridge, mirrors, closet, calendar, etc., so I googled (I think) “I CAN DO IT” in images and one of the pics was a person standing on a scale. I thought what the…..? So I checked it out and started reading all about Hannah and her weightloss story. And I subscribed because I want to hear as much as I can about your journey. We all have a story and I’ve been kicking around ideas of starting my own blog, or at least start some kind of journal writing about how I came to this point in my life. How I came to be a person with a perpetual black cloud over her head. Why past experience has lead me to become so negative about myself, my future, my world. For the past 8 years I have been dealing with major health issues, surgeries, prescriptions for this and that, very bad side effects, very bad doctors, very bad doctors’ staff, very bad hospital staff, given incorrect medical information or misleading information, being in constant chronic pain, being in constant chronic major depression, growing to fear the outside world so I do not leave my house except for a few reasons (dr appts, binge food, cigarettes), cutting off contact with friends and family, having family that did not believe I was ill (because you don’t look sick….pffffggght!), binge eating, binge smoking, impulsive online buying…I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
    Anyway….your post was awesome and something I totally need to do for myself! Again, great post!!

    • Nancy – I am so glad that you enjoyed the post and even more happy that I have inspired you! That is certainly and added benefit to this entire blog…knowing someone else is going through similar things certainly helps you not feel so alone. I definitely recommend keeping a journal of some kind. You will be amazed at the progress you’ve made when looking back a few weeks or months, even if you don’t feel like you’ve come that far. If you do start a blog, please be sure to send me the link. I’d love to follow your progress. I hope the ‘black cloud’ starts to dissipate. Keep your head up! The journey certainly isn’t easy, but it’s definitely worth it. – Hannah

Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s