First off – so sorry for no post last night. I’ve apparently still got Eggnog brain (actually…no I don’t…eggnog disgusts me)…so take two: I’ve apparently still got sugar plum brain and didn’t even realize that yesterday was Monday. Oops.
With that being said, I hope that all of you had an amazing Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanzaa or whatever else you might celebrate. I hope you received everything you asked for.
Santa left me with a few extra presents that I didn’t ask for…one being a little of his big round belly. Thanks for the poundage, Kris Kringle! Next year you’re getting celery sticks and not cookies.
He also left me with a weird attitude. The right side of my brain is the new-found positive me. The left side of my brain is the old negative, condescending me. Why?! I thought the left side was gone. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to sleep in my own bed on Christmas Eve. Maybe it’s because I gained a little bit of weight. Who knows…I just wish it would go. This negativity scares me. I’ll catch myself questioning whether or not I’ve truly made any progress. What the hell am I talking about? I’ve lost 50 pounds. Way, way more than I’ve ever lost at one time in my life. Why do I question my progress? Why do I discount myself? Why do I feel less beautiful today than I did a week ago?
Maybe my focus waned a little bit over the holiday and my fear of reverting back to my old ways is allowing some of this negativity in. I’ve got to wake up and stay focused on me. This whole journey is about me. This roller coaster ride of life is taking its toll. I’ve got to wake up and focus on what this is all about. I’ve got to wake up and focus on how far I’ve come. I’ve got to wake up and focus on the continuing to make progress. I cannot stop now. Wake up, Hannah.
There’s a new day waiting for me and it’s passing me by while I lay under the covers until the last minute every morning, wishing the world would go away. But the world’s not going anywhere. The world always keeps turning, it’s always spinning…the world doesn’t care if it continues to move with me or without me. I’ve been in the dark so long that the world has just about forgotten all about me. Maybe it’s time to make it remember.
It’s time to get up and start moving.
Time to move toward my dreams. Time to move toward the life I know I want and deserve. I’ve wasted day after day, year after year, but it just doesn’t matter. Yesterday is gone, and today is right here, so bright and beautiful and full of possibility but…
My life gets in the way. I’ve got deadlines and responsibilities. I’ve got conference calls and reports. I’ve got sales tracking and inventory inquiries. I don’t have enough time to get everything done.
Do I really think I’m the only one with deadlines and responsibilities, pressures and complications?
Sure, life is hectic, hectic, hectic, and there’s never enough time to do everything. But, there’s always enough time to do the most important thing, and right now the most important thing is for me to GET UP.
Get up and start moving.
Get up and start living.
I’ve been feeling sorry for myself so long that I think that’s how I’m destined to feel.
Of course my life could be so much better.
So I’ve got to make it better.
It is within me to grab the reins of my life and take control. I have started to do so for the last 50 pounds. I cannot and will not stop now. There is still half the journey left to go. No, it won’t be easy. Did I honestly expect it would be? But I know it will be worth it. I know that this isn’t where I want to be, where I am meant to be.
I can lie where I am, feeling sorry for myself or I can get up and make something out of this beautiful day. I didn’t get where I am overnight, and it won’t get better in a matter of days… but it will get better. I know in my heart of hearts it will get better.
I’ve been hiding under the covers for far too long.
It’s time for me to wake up.