Law & Disorder

Who’s in favor of the fat tax? Don’t you want to pay a surcharge for fattening foods or beverages?

As if some of the legal aspects of this country weren’t crazy enough (ahem…Casey Anthony anyone?) – here are some of the ridiculous, yet slightly humorous statutes from a few states in the US.

  • Arkansas:  No person shall drive a motor vehicle onto the premises of a drive-in restaurant and leave the premises without parking such motor vehicle, unless there is no unoccupied parking space available on the premises. – So does that make it unlawful to go through a drive-thru?
  • California: In Los Angeles, It is not legal to bathe two babies at the same time in the same tub. – Ummm…has Octomom been arrested yet?
  • California: In Riverside, Kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance.- Oh yeah…I’m sure this happens.
  • Illinois: A state law requires that a man’s female companion shall call him “master” while out on a date. The law does not apply to married couples. – Alright girls…make sure to call him master. Until you get married that is.
  • Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give cats, dogs, or other domesticated animals a lighted cigar. – Is this a problem in their state?
  • Indiana: It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette. – Well maybe they can have cigars since my cat can’t.
  • Kansas: In Topeka, Servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups. – I’ve never had wine in a teacup…think I might try that.
  • Maryland: In Baltimore, It is illegal to take a lion to the movies. – Thank goodness I can still take my tiger!
  • New York: It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. – Can’t baseball technically be considered a violation of this law?
  • New York:  A man cannot be seen in public while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. – Thank goodness! Although NY strikes me as one of the last places you’d have to worry about this…Greensboro needs this law.
  • New York:  You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand. – As opposed to your feet?
  • North Carolina: It is illegal to hold more than two sessions of bingo per week, and those sessions may not exceed 5 hours each session. – Nursing homes, pay attention!
  • Ohio: It is unlawful for a woman to appear in public while unshaven. This includes legs and face. – Remind me not to move to Ohio in the winter!
  • Oklahoma: It Is Illegal To Have A sleeping Donkey In Your Bathtub After 7pm – Good thing my donkey is awake in the bathtub after 7pm.
  • West Virginia: You may not profanely curse or swear or get drunk in public, or you shall be fined by a justice one dollar for each offense. – Well hell…I’d be broke.
  • Wisconsin: The serving of colored oleomargarine or margarine at a public eating place as a substitute for table butter is prohibited. – Only in Wisconsin!
  • Wisconsin: No rider of a bicycle shall remove both hands from the handlebars or practice any trick or fancy riding in any street in the city. – Look, mom! No Hands! Now look! I’m in jail!

You know what else should be illegal?! My freaking weight gain this week!!

 

And here’s where the ‘disorder’ comes in….I’m struggling a bit with something that I thought had hibernated for good.

No, my stomach isn’t hurting…and I’m not having digestive issues. But that’s exactly the problem. I’m not having any issues with eating at all. So why is this an issue?…well…because I’m wanting to eat everything in sight!!!

I cannot remember the last time that I have felt this good. I thought that it was normal to feel like you were turning inside out after eating. So I didn’t do it as much when I was at my sickest. Now that all of that’s gone, my small appetite has gone with it. Thankfully, I can’t eat like I used to. Can’t just raid the pantry or the fridge…can’t run through the drive-thru at McDonald’s….can’t destroy a bucket of fried chicken. I’m too scared of cross-contamination to gorge myself on Mexican food. Having to eat gluten-free has greatly reduced what I can pig out on. I have managed to destroy any popcorn or cheese that has come through the threshold of my house!  Red meat – come to mama! Cool Whip – I’ve annihilated it! All of it!

My food infatuations of late haven’t been all bad…I’m currently on a ridiculous garbanzo bean dependence. At least those are good for me!  If it could be delivered via IV…I’d be first in line. Ok, maybe not. But I have eaten them at every meal the last few days. Here are a few of the scrumptious, gluten-free culinary creations I’ve indulged in….

Don’t those dishes look delicious! They tasted amazing too! And to answer the question you’re currently asking yourself…yes, I will cook for you anytime!

I have the most debilitating fear of falling back into the wrath of my compulsive overeating disorder. I’m not at that point…And I don’t think I’m near that point, but I’m so afraid that because I’m not doubled over in pain after eating something that I won’t be able to stop once I start. Unlike the past, I am very aware of this fear. Perhaps this is the time that I finally persevere through something that clouded so much of my adult life, and led to so much self-loathing.

Despite my weight gain (dammit!) this week, I am not discouraged. I finally realize that food and body obsession rob women (and men) of their power. If we are so focused on what we look like, our attention can’t be invested in more important endeavors: contributing in meaningful ways to the healing of ourselves, our communities, our world. Conversely, moving away from food and body obsession provides the perfect training ground for learning the skills we need to take back our lives and develop our power in the world.

This whole journey is not about just losing weight. It’s about finding an incredibly vital, loving, wise spirit within me as I, patiently and sometimes trembling with uncertainty, strip away years of self-rejection and self-contempt. I am starting to peel the pain away by taking care of myself: eating the foods I want to eat, standing up for myself when I need to, and letting myself grieve for the waste of life that the connection between being “skinny” and “loved” has meant for me, and I’m sure many others going through the same struggle.

The fear of failure has been high, but the risk for personal freedom is worth it. I feel it is a crucial step in learning self-acceptance – identifying who I am, what I feel; rewriting my internal rule book; challenging what I have learned about what a woman should be, about my body, my appetites, my needs, and wants. Learning to accept what I think and feel as being okay – as being the “norm” for my world – has been nothing short of miraculous. It hasn’t been an easy road, but it is certainly worth every minute.

 

“When I was in grade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life.”

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One thought on “Law & Disorder

  1. Hannah, there must be a time when your body says to you: “you must eat this or that” and if the lbs. creep on, that is certainly normal–just like hitting a plateau. It will happen! Hang in there for the best is yet to come. Love and so proud of you, JInnette

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