Say Cheese!!!

They say the camera adds 10 pounds…guess I need to stop eating cameras. 🙂

Know one reason I want to be skinny? I want to have a spur of the moment picture taken and not be absolutely mortified after I see it. I absolutely hate having my picture taken. Well no, that’s not entirely true…I like having it taken, I HATE seeing the end result.  I’ve never thought of myself as a photogenic person…I can make a picture look ok if I hold my head the right way or tilt my chin at the perfect angle.

Seeing a photo of myself these days makes my self-esteem drop to the lowest level possible. I have a vision of what I feel like I look like…then I see that photo and it starts…the slew of insults I give myself: “You’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook! You look like you’ve got an intertube around your belly! Are you storing food for the winter?! You’re 3 times the size of the other people in the picture!” And so on…I know it sounds mean…I know it sounds awful…and it is.

I need to take a class in head angles…body position…the perfect smile. I can take 2 photos 30 seconds apart and look like a completely different person from one to the other.  See below…1st picture…squirrel cheeks…2nd picture…better cheek bones and only 1 chin.

Squirrel Cheeks at the finest!

30 seconds later...only one chin!

Why does it seem like such an act of God to look attractive in a photo?  Just to clarify, I am not comparing my photogenic ability (or lack of) to that of a magazine photo of a model. I know they’re so nipped and tucked and adjusted and photoshopped…I’m talking about real life people.  My family is quite photogenic.

I’ve always been so jealous of the rest of them…my sister is amazingly beautiful. You could take a picture of her in a sweat suit with leaves in her hair and she would look amazing. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a bad picture of her. EVER…step-sister is the same…beautiful from every angle. Cousins, aunts, uncles, dad and my mom especially…all so photogenic!  What happened to me?!  I’m not calling myself ugly…I’m calling myself awkward when there’s a camera around.

Just came across an article on the 9 steps to taking a good picture….I shall share with you.

1)      Being photogenic refers to the ability of appearing very attractive in photos.  – Well, duh! If I knew how to appear very attractive would I need to read the other eight?!

2)      Focus on what you’re wearing.– Guess naked or spandex isn’t a great choice for me right now.

3)      Mind your complexion and grooming.- Well you saw my eyebrows in the picture above…as for complexion…well, where’s that number for Proactiv?

4)      Keep your face in equilibrium. – If I knew what this was…I think the right side is bigger than the left…should I turn my head to the side?

5)      Work the angles. – 90 degree tilt?

6)      Get rid of a double chin.– Supposedly resting your tongue on the roof of your mouth helps with this…it makes me look like I’m choking.

7)      Focus on your posture. – This inevitably ends up looking like I’m contorting my body…and you can see the discomfort on my face.

8)      Relax.Translates to me looking high.

9)      Think happy thoughts.  – Having my picture taken does not lead to happy thoughts…it leads to panic…and nervousness.

 Perhaps I’m being too critical. I do feel like I’ve got an above average appearance – but also feel I am automatically discounted due to my robust size. As if wearing a double-digit size automatically makes me less smart or less capable than my svelte counterparts. It shouldn’t be all about outer appearance…but for someone who has struggled so much with the negative internal dialogue, I’m ready to look at a picture of myself and be satisfied.

If I’m going to get to that point though, I have to refocus. I’m struggling with concentration. Diet has been all over the place the last week. Same with the exercise….I think I can, I think I can….still went down a little.

I will not let myself stop moving forward.  Still having a hard time with the planning part. Seems like I need to get back into checklist world again to get myself started…My focus has apparently been on Spring Break…school is back in session. On the syllabus this week – getting under 230.

“I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short.” ~ Shelley Winters


3 thoughts on “Say Cheese!!!

  1. Hannah, you may not mean to be funny, but your writing is hilarious. Why don’t you take this journal and publish it after you reach your goal weight? Some many people (like me) can relate to it. You are beautiful and I want you to speak it out: “I am beautiful” because you really are. I have always thought that ever since I met you for the 1st time. Whatever the weight, you are beautiful and very attractive in your clothes and the way you carry yourself. I am still in there with you that you CAN and WILL meet the goals that you have set for yourself. Congrats on another goal!

  2. Well, you have at least is at least one family member, an aunt, who didn’t get the photogenic gene.  Have you seen some of those oyster roast pictures of me????  Anyway, remember Hannah, as you re-focus, you are going for long term change, not a quick and thus short-lived change.  Quick fixes, one meal a day, making your body go into starvation mode won’t cut it because those things are not sustainable over the long haul.  You will get there, good healthy food and exercise every chance you get just like you originally said.   And if looking at photos makes your self- esteem drop, well, by God, then just don’t look at them!  Do what you need to do. You’ll get there. And it will be worth it.  And by the way– I don’t think I’ve ever seen a photo of you where you didn’t look gorgeous.

    A bunch of quotes to get through the week:

    Excellence is not a singular act but a habit.  We are what we repeatedly do.
    –Shaquille O’Neal
    Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire. 
    –Arnold Glasow
    Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.
    There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.
    –R. Fuller

    Heather Stancil

    Heather Stancil

    Sent from my iPad

  3. Hannah – I’m ashamed to say I am just now reading your blog. But once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop. Your writing is engrossing, wonderful and witty. Your always great sense of humor shines through brilliantly! I am sooooo proud of your accomplishment thus far – 15 pounds is amazing! Keep it up – I can’t wait to keep following your progress. And thank you for your sweet comment, I guarantee you there are plenty of photos out there of me that are not beautiful in the least. I’m sure you even have copies of some of them…eek!

    I’ll never forgot the picture I took of you before one of your proms. You were wearing a periwinkle colored dress and sitting in the dining room window. I have the picture in my portfolio and every single person who’s ever looked at it wants to know who the gorgeous model is. No joke. YOU are extremely photogenic and have absolutely beautiful features, both inside and out. Don’t forget that.

    Love you

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