I have a confession…

Yes, that’s right…I have a confession. I am addicted…completely and utterly addicted, to brussell sprouts.

I’ll give you a moment to process that…I know you didn’t see that coming at all…friends and family are whispering to each other: “No not Hannah! I never thought it would happen to her!” I know, I know…I don’t look like the “type” (haha – no really, you don’t expect a woman with a weight problem to be obsessed with brussell spouts).

I could eat them every meal of every day for the rest of my life.  For those interested…I like my “poison” roasted.

Hate them, you may, but thanks to my little miniature cabbage friend, I have had an extremely successful week…see for yourself…

There goes the first goal! Marked through and complete. 5 pounds gone…and ahead of schedule!

So yes, the addiction to brussell sprouts is true, but that’s not the only admission I have tonight.

Confession # 2 is that I really beat myself up this morning when I got on the scale. I was upset with myself for having only lost 5 pounds. I’m not sure why. I have no reason to. My 85 pound weight loss goal by November 15th was based on 2 pounds per week…2…and I’m more than double that. I was very committed (and still am) with my diet this week and logged every single morsel I put in my mouth. That’s a huge accomplishment for me, and I was beating myself up?! I don’t get my own mind sometimes. Perhaps I need to not watch 4 episodes in a row of the Biggest Loser…seeing 21 pounds a week lost on some people is totally messing with my mind! Granted – I’m not working out 11 hours a day either.

(On a side note: Some of you have asked about what I’m doing physically – I am set to work with a trainer a few times a week starting in the next week or two…I’m making baby steps in the exercise department because I want to make sure I’ve got the eating piece under control. Eating brings me the most amount of anxiety and struggle mentally – a topic which I will get into another day…for now I’m getting the diet under wraps instead of tackling every demon at one time.)

I know that one of my biggest obstacles, and perhaps one of the reasons I’ve struggled so much in the past, is that I’ve never known what it’s like to be thin. All the self-help books tell you to visualize your goals. Well I can’t…ok, maybe not can’t, but I don’t know how. I cannot imagine myself thin…I cannot picture myself without pudge…I cannot picture myself in a single-digit size…I cannot picture myself walking out the door in the morning and running 8 miles like it’s nothing. Don’t get me wrong…I want it like it’s nobody’s business. I just feel like the drive and the motivation I feel right now starts to wane over time because I can’t keep saying to myself  that I know what it felt like and I want to be there again. Trust me…I’m miserable the way I am now…I feel like the real me is in here somewhere trying to get out…hell, I ate the real me at some point so I’ve just got to peel away the layers to allow the “true me” to break free.

I’d love to have some fancy software like they had on TLC at one point, with a computer generated image of the thin me. I think that would do so much for helping me visualize that goal.  How do you overcome that? How do you envision yourself as something you’ve never known?  Any input or feedback you might have on this is much appreciated.

I am still incredibly inspired by your continual support over the course of the week. Getting through the first 7 days was not nearly as difficult as I expected. The first 2 were slightly trying – but it got easier and easier day after day. The only thing I’m craving now (and this is random) is Ginger Ale…of every awful thing I used to crave like it was my job, and I’m craving a carbonated beverage used for curing hangovers…Oh well – I guess it could be worse!

For now…I’ll forgo the Ginger Ale and stick to the brussell sprouts…

Until next time…

 

“The best way out is always through.” ~ Robert Frost

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5 thoughts on “I have a confession…

  1. Hannah–I am SO excited for you to have lost 5 lbs. If you think of it in terms of sugar, that is a lot of weight. Or picture that there are 4 stix to every lb. of butter and you have 5 boxes of butter sitting there–gone! (Paula Deen would be so sad!).
    It is so hard to face body image but you are truly a beautiful young woman and have always looked so nice in your clothes that I never really thought of you as having a wt. problem.
    Cheer up! Your body has to rest and learn how to process its change too. Think of me who went to WWatchers the 1st week after starting the program. I watched every pt. and did exercise. I went in for the weigh-in and had lost .5 lbs. Now that was a bit depressing but the next week I had lost 3 so it just depends on what your body is doing at the time. Give yourself a break–you are doing a super job. How brave of you to share all of this with your friends and family!
    In the meantime, keep loving those little baby cabbages! I do!
    Love, JJH

  2. I love brussel sprouts too!!!! Awesome start……I’m proud of you for recognizing where you have been wrong and where you are going. I love how you can put your thoughts down on paper. You make me laugh! I can see you skinny, you have a stong will and you can do this! Can’t wait for the next post. Kathy

  3. Congratulations on the first weigh-in. That is a fantastic start.
    And I have to say that I can’t stand brussel sprouts but whatever works is good: your Dad (so I’m told by those that like them) can work magic with them…so you probably inherited this “obsession”.
    Quote of the day:
    “Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
    — Thomas Edison
    I don’t think you are going to miss this opportunity, Hannah. Keep up the good work.

  4. Go Hannah! I am excited for you to document your journey, because any journey is worth documenting. Next time I come to town we will celebrate your success with a martini (and some roasted brussels), and maybe you can finally show me how to work some of that eye make-up magic!

    Sometimes, when I’m scared about goals, I think of this:

    “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined.”
    – Henry David Thoreau

    I love you!

  5. Way to go Sweet Pea! I love your toes too! Five pounds…Wow…think of that five pound piece of red meat that we cooked for EVERYONE at Christmas…now, that is a HUGE SUCCESS! You lost more than most people do in one week…maybe I found it 🙂 At any rate…you are on your path to accomplishing your small and large goals…Keep up the positive attitude….PS…I love brussel sprouts too. Love you bunches, MOM

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